If you want to get unstuck, you have to let yourself get fed up with your own bullshit
You've been tired lately, even though your sleeping hasn't changed much.
You're having trouble focusing, and can't really seem to enjoy your down time, scrolling mindlessly or half listening to a show.
You find yourself thinking about those past times when you actually cared about things, did things. But what happened?
Everyday you tell yourself "alright, today I'm gonna be different. I'm actually gonna do those things I've been wanting to do today."
Then 10 hours later you're back where you've been for the past... wait, how long has this even been going on??
You've lost track of time and can't even remember the last time you felt "normal," or didn't have that ever looming sense of exhaustion.
For months you've been floating, fluctuating between shaming and guilting yourself for not doing more while also trying to be self compassionate about where you're at.
You don't want to beat yourself up about it, but it keeps happening.
Maybe part of you thinks you can't get out of this hole without a healthy dose of "tough love.”
But that flip-flopping between "tough love" and self-compassion is probably what's keeping you stuck in this frustrating, cyclic loop.
The truth is, you can't just strong arm your way out of stuckness by telling yourself to just "try harder" or beating yourself up because "it's not even that bad, just do it!"
And the other truth is, acceptance only goes so far.
It's certainly important to accept yourself where you're at - anyone who's talked to me knows I believe this.
But acceptance without action is still stuckness. Gentler stuckness, to be sure, but there's more to it if you're in a spot where you're wanting to start moving forward.
So how do you take that radical acceptance and turn it into action without using "tough love" to get shit done?
By letting yourself get sick of your own bullshit.
"Acceptance" doesn't mean you have to stay in a spot you don't want to be.
It means accepting that you don't want to be there, and leaning into the discomfort of what it means to not take action rather than try to "accept" it away or else push yourself out of it.
You see, our brains are really good at avoiding the uncomfortable. We can be very creative when it comes to avoiding problems - even by making it seem like we're addressing them.
But when you start to actually admit to yourself what you're doing, and what will happen if you keep it up, you can use the emotion that comes up to fuel those actions you've been struggling to take.
Often what you'll find in that discomfort is frustration, anger, maybe even grief. All emotions that most of us would prefer to avoid.
But those emotions might be exactly what you're missing, exactly what you need to actually do the thing you know you need to do in order to change your situation.
Sit with them a minute. Ask them what they're trying to tell you. And then listen.
I help people with this all the time in my coaching work.
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I write for neurodivergent, queer, and otherwise marginalized adults who want to deconstruct everything they know about mental health and actually learn to be a human rather than a robot. If you want to support my mission, please join my Patreon: